Lent Confession 2/12

I used to be jealous of Stephanie on full house. I think it had something to do with her being around my age, I thought her hair was pretty, she was always dressed in 80's galore, and she always got so much attention. I felt a little competitive (back then--not now).

I also felt like Punky Brewster and I were friends. No jealousy there. We had a connection.

Confession 2/11

Sometimes I have to put myself on food logs. I'm not sure why, but sometimes I have very little self-control. I'll eat the whole bag of something or just keep picking in different things until it's time to end the day. At the same time, other days I'll eat very little. The food log is a way to keep me honest. I really DID eat 5 peanut butter cups and that's embarrassing, shaming even. If I have to write it down I'm not going to do it. There will be no evidence of just how bad my eating habits are.

I should probably start another food log today.

Confession 2/10

These confessions are going to be a lot harder than I thought.

my confession for this sunday:

When I was a sophmore in high school I had an English teacher named Mr. Simmers. Every spring he planned a fishing trip at Conowingo Dam. This was a special event because there was a hand full of "cool kids" who loved that Mr. Simmers probably smoked more pot than they did. Each year a group would accompany Mr. Simmers and it became quite memorable. I've never been one who loves fishing. This trip, my sophmore year of high school, was my first fishing trip EVER. My friend Tara was dating some guy--one of the afore-mentioned "cool kids" and so we decided to go along. It was all guys and then Tara and I. We didn't have any gear so our friend Pete Fountain (it's amazing how I remember these details) said we could use his as long as we brought our own bait and hooks and stuff. Tara and I decided to head over to a Woolworths nearby (no longer there...is there a woolworths anywhere?). I remember Tara and I looking in the fishing isle trying to decide what we needed. We kept looking at these fake fish looking things that I guess one would use on their line. Do you know what I'm talking about? They're elasticy, colorful fake fish. And they weren't really cheap. Tara and I were debating about what to do when she just looked at me and said, "put it in your pocket." I just looked at her. What?!?!? She just looked back and shook her head, then she slipped one in my pocket and put some her in pockets as well. I didn't know what to do. So I did nothing. We left the store.

I am a shoplifter.

ok, just that one time. never did it again...i don't think. And then Tara and I began the grand tradition of Mr. Simmers fishing trip each spring.

Lent Confessional Catch-up

I like lent. I am not a catholic, but I think it's a neat idea to go without or give something up for these next few weeks. I was talking to some co-workers the other day about what to give up for lent. I was driving home yesterday, crawling along in terrible traffic, when a BRILLIANT idea came to me. I'm sick of blogging. But I like my blog. For Lent I am going to give up a bit of my pride. I am going to humble myself, take a look at the real me, and offer up a confession a day. Posted right here. On my blog.

As I thought about this, I realized that really this may be the reverse of actually humbling myself, because as I thought about my first few confessions I'd post (I'm a few days behind) I realized that although these are often things I keep to myself, they are also things that I kind of like about me. These are the things that make me cute, unique, likeable even. I really do believe it's our nerdiness that ultimately makes us attractive. That and insane amounts of confidence.

THAT BEING SAID:

Confession 2/6

I have been sucked into Veronica Mars on DVD courtesy of my roommate who received season one for Christmas and when I made fun of her challenged me to try to get through the first few episodes and stop. She wins. I also have to give a shout out to Seth, my VM watching confidant. Sorry I outed you. I'm now half way through season two and loving every second of it. Why is this confession worthy? I'd like people to think that I'm not easily sucked into soap opera like teenage dramas. But I must confess: I'm still in high school mentally. Veronica Rules!!

Confession 2/7

I haven't vacuumed my car since July. It's completely disgusting. I'm repulsed by its filth, yet I do nothing. and I am embarrassed when people get inside. If you have been one of my victims, I apologize. I'll clean it. soon.

Confession 2/8

Today I went to blockbuster near my work with a co-worker. I haven't been to a video store in a while. I left with the latest Amanda Bynes movie. Sidney White. It's a redone Snow White type thing. I watched half of it this afternoon. I love this kind of stuff--not all the time, but I do think it's better then--oh I don't know--27 Dresses. It's much better quality. She IS the man.

Confession 2/9

Sometimes I argue just to argue. I could agree with you and still question your perspective just to mess with you. This is mostly done to people who irritate me. They are also usually the types who get all worked up and crazy like if someone disagrees with them.

All Smiles

I'm so excited for my new playlist!!! Let me know what you think! Music always makes me so happy!

Refresh!

I decided to unprivatize my blog. I never went to my blog because I had to log in every single time. Maybe I'm just lazy, but I never wanted to add to it. So it's open again. I don't like thinking I'm writing towards specific people (those on the list of approved readers). If I wanted to tell these people something I can call them or email them. This blog is for something else. Not sure what. But I like the idea of sharing some thoughts, ideas, pictures, or stories with people who might NOT know me so well. I don't even know if that happens--nor do I wish to--I just like it being a possibility. And then I like that my close family and friends can also check in on me a little.

So, unprivatized. Next step is for me to update my playlist. I've had this one going for a while and there is a great need for new music. I've burned CD's for people who've requested them, and I've been working for a few weeks now on potentials for my new list. COMING SOON!!

Every once in a while I have moments where I'm my favorite version of myself. These come without planning, without expectation, and without guilt. I love it. It's when I laugh freely, share without forethought, and experience each feeling, sense, or reaction for what it is. It's refreshing and helps me to hope or believe that I haven't lost myself too much with the monotonous day to day routines which find me cloaked in some role I'm playing for whichever task is at hand.

I was able to spend some time this weekend with some members of my family. One of my favorite things is to sit around and talk with them. It's the perfect balance of seriousness and humor, teasing and love, intellect and silliness all at the same time. Just sitting with Chris, Tiff, Dave, and Tiffany, playing games, talking politics, watching movies, eating, catching eachothers glances and reactions to our parents...priceless. It's like hitting a refresh button for me. Then they can send me back to my liberal playground.

Elise and Sarah--you were missed.

Living the Questions

Lately I feel like I've lost my footing. I stumble a lot in my journey through life, but it's an exciting adventure usually. Lately I've just felt "off" and instead of catching myself after I trip on uneven pavement, I hit my knee on a proverbial brick wall to keep from falling down completely. Either way there's a sting of pain.

This weekend was awesome though. I feel like I got a bit of myself back. My parents drove up from Maryland to spend the weekend and holiday with me. We were able to put together a smashing smorgasbord for several of my friends. It was such a fun event. It was a great reminder of the many wonderful friends I am surrounded by who bless my life. (Even those who were already out of town or couldn't make it for other reasons--I am just grateful for so many positive relationships in my life.) My parents and sister went to church together and had a great Sunday!

Today I'm thinking about a few different things. My friend Seth introduced me to a great quote by Thomas Paine:

"There are certain circumstances, which, at the time of their happening, are kind of riddles, and as every riddle is to be followed by its answer, so those kind of circumstances will be followed by their events, and those events are always the true solution. A considerable space of time may lapse between, and unless we continue our observations from the one to the other, the harmony of them will pass away unnoticed: But the misfortune is, that partly from the pressing necessity of some instant things, and partly from the impatience of our own tempers, we are frequently in such a hurry to make out the meaning of every thing as fast as it happens, that we thereby never truly understand it; and not only start new difficulties to ourselves by so doing, but, as it were, embarrass Providence in her good designs."

I love this. I have been in such a hurry that I have not understood "Providence in her good designs" and may have started several new difficulties. But what I love the most is that as I realize this, I can change it. It reminds me of my favorite quote right now from Rilke's Letters To A Young Poet:

"...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."

I love this too. It has a way of helping me relax, let go of some of my impatience and uneven temperament. I'm excited for the new year. I'm hoping that I'll be able to live the questions, letting go of my own interpretations and meanings. Won't that be a beautiful thing!!

Footing a little bit more settled.

My special Christmas Greeting: It NEVER Gets Old!

This will forever warm my heart and give me peace and joy. I hope it makes you laugh out loud and wish your friends and parties were just like this.

Snow Day!

I really love the snow. The last few winters in Boston haven't been that bad. This winter is already shaping up to be a doozy and I'm really excited about it. Last Thursday we had a great snow fall!

I got out of work early and 2 hours later was finally home. I live at the top of a hill and pretty much any road you try to take is steep. I had difficulty making it to my house, but finally did. I had a friend coming over too and it was an adventure to brainstorm ways to spin up hill and criss-cross to find more traction. Once we finally go to my house we decided to hike back down the hill to go find food. Silly me, I hadn't been grocery shopping in a long time and we were going to starve. It was an adventure. I love wintry hikes especially when I get back to my house and It's warm and cozy inside. Thursday after we got back to my house it was great to hear the snow and wind outside and just love being home. Eventually you have to go back outside and try to dig out cars, but even that can be fun.

Today is Sunday. I woke up and there is more snow and a lot of wind. I looked out my window and noticed none of our streets are plowed and it's still coming down. I know my bishop refuses to cancel church but I also didn't want to slide down hill and then not be able to get up (let alone trying to dig out my car...) My roommate Katy and I decided it would be best to stay in. We drank hot chocolate, made pumpkin pancakes, and decided to decorate our house a bit for Christmas. We sat down in our living room to check the weather channel and we received the greatest gift in the history of snowstorms...An Anne Of Green Gables Marathon!!!! Wahoo!!!

Which leads me to the greatest movies list for snow days and sick days when I was a kid:

*Anne of Green Gables and Avonlea: Anne with an E is one of the greatest characters ever. and let's face it, Gilbert was always a cutie. Katy and I are laughing out loud right this very second! Anne just wailed on Gilbert with her slate and is now in the depths of despair because she dyed her hair green! So Brilliant! Being smart is better than being good looking!

*Jane Austin's anything: my personal favorites are Emma and Mansfield Park. I find that for some reason I feel a connection with Emma--like I understand her foibles, they are much like my own.

*Farris Bueller's Day Off: the day we all wish we had the guts to follow through on in high school.

*Goonies: I never get sick of that one. Goonies never say die. Never.

Our Christmas decorations are coming along nicely and cheaply. I bought three fake little trees and put some lights and bulbs on them in the corner. They're small and cute. I love poinsettias, so we have a few of those. We also have more lights and garland. We're trying to decide what to do with it. Next Saturday my parents are going to be here. We're going to have a holiday dinner at my house. My mom is Swedish and my Dad German so we like to put out a great spread of European cheeses, breads, and all kinds of holiday food. mmm...m...m!! Siblings, I wish you were going to be here.

Leaf Removal 2007

Welcome to my back yard in Maryland. It's beautiful, and the colors are always amazing. The problem is that all the leaves fall down. Leaf Removal goes in several stages. Grandpa rallies the troops and then all the magic happens.
This was Max's first opportunity to "help" with leaf removal. Really it was his first introduction to just how great it is to rake all the leaves in huge piles and then jump in them. (a must experience for any child)
Amanda, Max and I were raring to go when grandpa made the call that it was time to brave the cold air.
The Key Players:

Grandpa "I'll show you how it's done" Rueckert

This here's a leaf blower.

The wee Family: Dave, Tiffany, Shmeese and Schwab

JCrew photo shoot #437.
Max "you don't need to show me twice" Rueckert

The leaf roller.

Linda "Wannabe a Chimney Sweep" Rueckert

Amanda "are we done yet" Rueckert

making it all happen.

Dave: "Look Max, These are leaves. We're going to put them in a pile and then you get to mess it all up!"
Max: "Ga!"

...and you jump in like this....
and then you roll around...
and then we throw more leaves on top of you until you're drowning in them. We continue until the laughing turns to whimpering.

and then you get out and we do it all again.