two more

3/3

Yesterday I ate ice cream cake for lunch and that was it. It was really good. It was carvel and had the amazing cookie crumb center thing going on. mmm mm m

3/4

In 5th grade I participated in a HUGE talent show. It was in front of the whole 5th grade. I had a couple friends...I can only remember Heather...who decided to put together a little act. We did a little lip sync and dance to Madonna's "Like a Prayer". It was awesome. We had perfect dance moves...this is also the beginning of my dance crew movement. I am looking to start a new dance crew (what with a talent show coming up and all). I will hold auditions soon, I'll send out a text with a location. get ready for the streets.

Confession: My love affair with music

This is my favorite song right now. I often have people commenting to me about the music I like. Sometimes people seem impressed, like they think I have good taste or I know a lot of music. I love music. I was thinking about this and realized that I go to music at times to "fill me" or something. Like if I'm upset about something my music cannot be loud enough and it addresses my problem perfectly. It's hard to explain, but it's reliable. It's a pretty good replacement for more meaningful relationships. It's pretty safe and doesn't let me down. I have started to think though, that I should take some of the time and money I invest in music and put it towards relationships with people. Like real people...not my imaginary friends who understand so perfectly.

confession 3/1

I watched the Oscars last week. I've never watched the Oscars. It was really really long. Not worth all the hype in my opinion. But one thing I did see that I thought was amazing was Glen and Marketa performing this song live with the orchestra. Loved it, loved it, loved it. I'm glad they won. Other than that, not proud of watching ALL of the Oscars. (I'd link to the Oscars performance but it won't let me...)

Confession 2/29

Sometimes (everything starts with sometimes) I use the groups I get to facilitate for my own purposes. For example, Today. Every Friday I have a group I facilitate called "Dating and Relationships." I know it's funny. When I learned this would be one of my groups I was sure this was the universe's way to mess with me. And congratulations universe, you win!

Back to today. I was talking with some co-workers this morning about how important it is in relationships to actually allow yourself to be vulnerable. This is something I don't think I have EVER done. I just won't go there. I won't lower the defenses long enough to be really vulnerable. I'm permanently in my "safe zone" or at least that's what we're calling it in group. Because, yes I did, I used this idea for my group. It was one of the best groups we've had. Everyone was awake and engaged. We had lists on the board of what the positive results are of allowing yourself to be vulnerable: personal growth, friendships, wisdom, trust, encouragement, love, acceptance. What we fear about being vulnerable: rejection, hurt, disappointment, criticism, feeling unworthy, judged and labeled. Then we talked about how to over come the fear or how some sense of safety is developed...our safe zones...and then when those walls are lowered. It was awesome. Everyone was very enthusiastic about the group and claimed to learn a lot. So perhaps my motivation wasn't entirely selfish because it effects everyone. But then, maybe I'm just selfish.

this is like two confessions, i just realized.

Confession 2/28

Sometimes I get the sense that people think I'm pretty social. What I find interesting is that sometimes I just want to stay home. I think I've made a lot of progress and now I like these social activities a little more. But still, (I'm going to steal a line from my friend Peg), sometimes I feel like an introvert escapading as an extrovert.

Lent Confession 2/27

My freshman year in high school I was swimming in the biggest meet of the year. I was swimming the 400 free relay. For some reason I wasn't paying attention to how many laps we were swimming (or something...who knows why) and I dove in on Heather Rogers who had only completed her 50. I disqualified the relay. My team was disappointed but not too mean to me. I cried the whole way home.

My Sophomore year in high school I was swimming in the biggest meet of the year. The previous year I had DQ'd an important relay (see story above) and I was being reminded of it by everyone! I starting the back stoke leg of the 200 mixed medley relay, LIKE I ALWAYS DID, but this year I was so afraid of repeating the horrific past. I knew that I just had to do 2 quick laps and i was done...but then the announcer/official guy said that each swimmer will swim 4 laps of the following strokes...then he started the race. So I'm freaking out at this point because what I thought I knew was now derailed. "I'm supposed to do 2, but he said 4, what do I do, what do I do" I kept thinking as I swam. To make a long story short, I DQ'd another relay. And this time everyone was mad at me. Especially Emily Marcheski.

It's frustrating to tell these stories because of how stupid it is or was. It's NOT a difficult thing to know how many laps you're supposed to swim. Especially when you're not new to the sport and you've competed in the same relays for like 8 years (at that time). But I still can't tell you why it was so hard to figure out. Maybe the fact that I always felt nauseous at the smell of chlorine and indoor pools had something to do with it. I was always SO NERVOUS!! Like inconsolably nervous for meets--and I competed for a really long time.

Confession 2/26

I have no idea when Lent ends. These confessions could go on forever. I guess I need to research some of my bright ideas before I just dive right in. (I realize this information is easily obtainable, I just found it really funny)

Confession 2/25

I went to bed really late last night. I watched step up 2 and then danced in my room while I cleared a spot for me on my bed. Some people sing in the shower, I have dance parties of one in my room.

Confession 2/24

I decided that I would train for the Lake Winnipesaukee half marathon coming up this spring. I'm scared to death. I'm not a runner. I'm a swimmer. I often quit things before the idea even gets rolling. So now I've told you all. I will be accountable. Shoot.

Confession 2/23

It has been discovered that if you keep me talking late into the night, at around 2 or 3am I will be sleep deprived and loopy enough to answer anything you ask with shameful honesty. The defenses are down.