Dream Job?

It could quite possibly be! I just applied for a job that I REALLY want. The more I think about it, the more I want it. The more I want it the more disappointed I'm going to be if it doesn't happen.

Everyone needs to pray and have good thoughts for me.

PLEASE

what's crazy, is that I'm qualified for this job! It could happen...maybe

Good Things

Today was one of those days where things just seemed to feel good. I'm not saying everything is perfect or that amazing things occurred. I am saying that today I felt like I could give myself some credit. Things are getting done and life is good! Today:

* the sun makes me smile more
* I live in a fantastic city
* the Pita Pit was discovered in Brighton!!
* I am loved by many
* I love many
* I tried to write my first cover letter and think it turned out okay
* I discovered I have some pretty good qualifications and experience for applying for jobs I want
* I work with some incredible people at my job and I am so happy when they meet with me, even if they are at their lowest point, they inspire me
* I got some new shoes
* I found a copy of a book I love and recommend to everyone: She taught me to eat artichokes
* I bought the book
* the mile swim against the tide is scheduled twice this summer to benefit breast cancer research
* I'm going to swim it both times, June 23 and August 18 on the cape
* I know a pretty fast route to the airport
* friends share very comfortable sweatshirts that I don't want to give back
* visiting teaching has helped me make amazing friends that I don't know if I would make otherwise
* I didn't care that I may have looked foolish talking to someone this evening. (I was trying to create an opportunity for a friend to talk to a boy by my talking to him first so she could just come join in. I had nothing to say to this boy so I just rambled and made stuff up and it was pretty much awful--awesome!!)
* my lovely sister started a blog!
* I may skip class tomorrow
* I'm going on vacation next week
* I get to see ALL my adorable nephews and niece
* I found several new, hysterically funny cards that I can't wait to send to people
* a total stranger wouldn't stop telling me how fine I was (a little creepy, but still flattering)
* I helped a small Greek woman find a birthday card for a 1 year old grandson
* I tried to say thank you to everyone (when appropriate, and not sarcastically)
* I got my assignment submitted on time
* I even set up time to talk to my professor before class about my paper
* I may be in bed before 12!
* although I have a TON to do, it'll all work out!

I'm just going to enjoy this.

Rocky IV Training Montage 2

It's time to quit the gym and train like Rocky!! Maybe next year I'll do it through the winter...maybe.

I picked this montage because of the sweet music...Hearts on Fire!!

There is a reason he beat the Russian, I tell you it's because he was outside!!

The First Day of Spring!!!

I'm already dreaming of summer!! Today we did a mindfulness exercise in DBT where we played ocean sounds and closed our eyes for a few minutes. It was so nice. I immediately went to the beach in my mind, laying in the sun, feeling the warm sun massage my shoulders and face...but then all I could feel was my turtleneck. It kind of ruined the experience for me...

Then we had an intense group (wish I could blog about it but of course that wouldn't be appropriate). But what I can tell you is that the image of that beach, hearing that ocean...ooh. I then remembered how great hammocks are. I wanted to be at a beach or a lake, it doesn't matter where, but somewhere. I could actually hear the sounds of the water lapping on the beach, seagulls, maybe a boat, some kids laughing. And I'm just rocking in my hammock. The sun covering me. A soft breeze.

At the end of the day we have a checkout for clients and staff. When it was my turn I told everyone how much I was thinking about rocking back and forth in a hammock. Then I told them how disappointed I was that there was no way it was going to happen today. But I left with an emphasis that it would happen soon! Very soon! (although perhaps not soon enough)

powerpoint fiasco

I am only taking two classes this semester and I graduate!! I'm pretty darn excited about the whole thing. The problem is that I've mentally checked out in a way. It's not that I don't read or study any more, it's that I don't read or study what I'm supposed to. I read plenty, but it's usually something that I stumble upon as I look for something I'm supposed to read, but find this new thing so much more interesting.

This week is midterms. One of my classes has an exam scheduled (two hours from now actually, can you tell how concerned I am about it?) So this class has been a little frustrating in that I'm not quite sure what it's about. I mean, I go to every class, I listen, I try to follow, but it doesn't seem to add up to much. I swear, last week we got a PowerPoint presentation on a book called Built to Last or Good to Great and the Social Sector (I'm not sure). So my instructor (Harry) presents these theories that the book talks about. I'm fine with theory but I'm really all about the application. And this is where Harry fails every time. I'm in social work school buddy, not business. OK, I'm going off my point.

This week is midterms and we have an exam. Harry cannot tell us what is on the exam. Not even a clue. All I know is that there are two questions based on some things we've discussed in class prior to today. Great!! I've been to class. Not great!! I have no notes from any class, Harry, because you don't really say anything worth writing down. This is OK. I will print out the PowerPoint slides and read them a few hundred times, unwrap my text from the plastic and consider perusing the contents. Great plan!! I printed the slides last week.

All weekend I see these slides sitting on my table and I can't bring myself to look at them. I did read some of the proposal writing book I successfully unwrapped. I found a lot of it common sense. Know what you're proposing, know who you're proposing to and what they want...stuff like that. Sure thing!!

The slides sit on the table. Why won't I look at them? There is a weird picture on the front. I don't want to look at it. It doesn't even look familiar and I don't feel like going through it all. It's a thick pile of paper. No, No I won't. There are pictures and graphs as I flip through it. Nope, I don't care what it says. I'm not looking at these slides.

It was a very productive weekend.

So this morning I get to campus. I brought my pile of slides so I can try to cram for something (yes, I haven't pulled something like this since high school). I met with a friend of mine to study for this exam. We talk a little about some of the slides and I get out my pile of information. I volunteer to start on the first one.

I look at it.

For the very first time I actually read what it says...

Urine Formation by the Kidneys I. Glomerular filtration, renal blood flow and their control. Chapter 26.

What is this?

I have like 15 pages of this. Graphs, charts, vocabulary, A TON OF STUFF!!

I finally get to the 5 pages of actual slides that will benefit me on my exam. Well, if I knew that, I probably would've been looking at it earlier.

But I also haven't thrown the urine slides out yet, now I'm curious. It's so easy to look at those when I'm not tested on it. But all weekend, I wouldn't look at all.

I just think it's kind of funny. Some poor BC undergrad is not going to know a thing about urine formation and I'm going to somehow fit this into my exam. It's my new challenge of the day.

Oh, I also forgot my name this week (it was like a millisecond). It's true. and it was really weird. I still don't know what that was about.

would you break up with yourself?

Tonight I had a great conversation with a friend of mine. We were discussing some different ideas around dating, relationships, priorities, stuff and more stuff. At one point my friend asked me if I were a guy dating me, would I break up with myself.

SUCH AN INTERESTING QUESTION!!!

I am so happy to say that I didn't have to think about this for very long. NO! No, I wouldn't. It has been a long road for me, but I really like me. I think I'm fun!! Sometimes I wonder why I'm the only one who thinks this (kind of joking). But seriously, I really like who I am, what I'm doing, what I like to do for fun, how I have so many interests, how there are so many things I want to know more about, how I embarrass myself so much, how I'm learning to embrace the embarrassment. I don't mean to post this in an arrogant way. It's just such a great thing for me to realize!! I obviously have my weaknesses and things, but I like those too.

I'm sure there are some amazing women out there who are far better than I am, BUT I am choosing to believe that I'm pretty fun to kick it with!

My Sunday Musing:

If I lived on the top of a mountain someplace and people sought me for guidance, wisdom or the secret of happiness, I think I'd just say

DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHER PEOPLE.

It's really cold!!

my house is ringing in at a cozy 58 degrees. that is NOT where the heat is set.

i guess it's warmer than outside...barely.

Michael Jackson - Billie Jean live

I miss my childhood when things were pure and beautiful! I want to see Michael in concert. It will never happen...
I miss him. sigh.

Some People Think She's Not So Smart...

...but really, she's sharp as a tack!!!

I have to keep reminding myself of this because I have been doing some incredibly stupid things lately. I really have no idea what my deal is. Well, not entirely true. I guess I always have an idea. Stress, anxiety, balancing too much, taking on too much, trying to hard to impress, trying to do it all myself...I could go on. (or just stop TRYING!!!)

But instead, I'd just like to highlight a few of the embarrassing, dumb as rocks, yet somehow quite cute and endearing (hopefully?) experiences I have had of late.

1. Tuesday night. Driving to Boston. I've done this SO many times. Without thought!! This particular night finds our friend Linda running a little late to meet up with her friend and visiting teachee. She remembered she was almost out of gas and stopped to remedy that situation. Then she began driving. As she drove away from Porter Square, she hesitated. Huh. Which way do I go, she thought. She decided that somehow Cambridge Street helped so she went there. As she drove she got more and more frazzled. Where am I going?!?!?! She had no idea. She frantically called as many people as she possibly could who may be able to help her on her way. I don't understand this, she thought. I've done this many times and always just go where I want to go and now that I'm thinking about it, I have NO CLUE!! A few people called her to try to help. She couldn't even tell them where she was. Finally, as a result of several friends willingness to help her baby step her way there, she found her way.

Actually, as I was talking to Whitney (who lives where I was going) It suddenly became clear. It was really awful though. It was like I was losing my mind. Crazy-making we call it in my world. I finally got there met with my friend and one parking ticket later, I was on my way home. We only got on the 93 South instead of north, but other than that, unscathed.

2. I recently had a conversation with a friend where I started to tell a story. It was funny because as soon as I began, I realized that I couldn't remember a few things. One, why I was telling it, two, what happened in the story, and three, probably my name. But I continued on. I was sure that as I spoke it would come back. It didn't. Instead I just looked dumber. This one ends with my friend saying, what happened? me, I don't remember. friend, why are you telling me? me, another good question and I really don't know. But you were involved and it was funny. BOMB.

3. Ooh, this one's in class. I have a class called Planning for Health/Mental Health Services. I don't know what planning means and it's half way through the semester. I shouldn't admit that, but whatever. I'm gonna graduate and if planning comes up, I'm sure I'll be fine. So this week in my class my instructor showed us a video about...something about doctors in hospitals being held accountable for personal statistics or something. Like surgeons, what they do, how successful they are, a report card of sorts. Moving on....we watch this video and then discuss it after. I don't remember now (see 2 above, JEEZ!!) what we were talking about but I decided I had something to say which is usually pretty entertaining for my classmates. This time as I started to talk, my opinion shifted or something, then I said something else, then after a little bit of my rambling, I noticed that I'm still talking. Why is my mouth still moving. MAKE IT STOP!! What am I saying?!?!? No clue. So I decided that I would just stop mid sentence and say "BLAH BLAH BLAH, and now I don't know what I'm trying to say so I'll just stop." Oh, the best part, I also used a talking hand gesture next to my face as I did the blah blah blah for emphasis. It worked quite well. I was then done, got some laughs and my friends picked up to clarify whatever point they heard me making. BLESS THEM!!

4. Today I asked a friend of mine if he runs on some of the paths through the Arlington Cemetery in VA and into DC. He was trying to find out which path I was thinking of (there are thousands Linda, thousands). So I decided to clarify by identifying the monuments along the way. But I couldn't remember the name all of a sudden. I said, "The Hiroshima monument?" and as soon as it was out of my mouth I remembered that I'm an idiot. He laughs and asks if it looks like a giant mushroom. Yup. Yup it does smarty pants. I meant Iwo Jima!!! not that i know how to spell that. Thanks to the Internet I now realize it's two words. So I laughed along so I can say I'm laughing with them. shame.

5. Just one more for today. I was sitting in church today, and I guess this doesn't really have much to do with me being stupid, this just sucks. I was sitting in church today. there is 10 minutes left of the 3 hour block and my stomach starts rumbling like I've NEVER heard it before. I realize this happens, I've heard it through out meetings before. But for some reason this was especially bad. It was SO LOUD and it wouldn't stop!! The people next to me would nudge me and smile, Yeah, this is FUN!! People in front were turning around looking at me. GREAT!!! Yeah, I love the attention people. For some reason it was just really embarrassing. It was an awful sound.

ok, i'm done (sigh).