Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Excited, I run inside. I am staring at the candy isle when the man behind the counter stands up and says, "Are you a supermodel or a soccer player?"
I look at him and he says, "Pick one."
Finding the situation rather humorous, I declare, "BOTH".
He smiles and says, "Good Answer."
I've never ever played soccer but I decided that soccer could cover all of my athletic pursuits. I am also not a model, but decided that I take amazing pictures...?
I purchased my $1.25 Butterfinger and left with a little smile.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
"Jane was the lovely sister who was genuine, sweet and good. Lizzy was similar, but with her genuineness was a level of intelligent brutality and sarcasm. Jane told Lizzy in one scene that she wished Lizzy would find someone like her Mr. Bingly because she wished the happiness on her. She wished everyone could be that happy. How often do we wish that kind of wellness on our friends, that we could just share our extreme happiness?"
"But to follow up on that line, Lizzy says to Jane right after that, that she could have a hundred Mr. Bingly's and never be that happy. That until she had Jane's goodness she could never have her happiness. How many people have been offered Mr. Bingly's or EVEN Mr. Darcy's and will never find happiness because they lack the qualities inside that will allow them to experience this true happiness?"
wow. did that just happen? Why do I find this funny? Does everyone in here understand this story as a universal example? hmm. I wonder. I think I get the idea, maybe. But what's with the Mr. Bingly/Darcy thing? Is this something we are aspiring to? Oh, ok. Maybe it's just that good things come along and yet we don't appreciate it or look for the opportunities to be happy. Maybe that's it. Bingly and Darcy could represent anything that could bring happiness: getting out of a ticket, a good grade, meeting a guy who's actually impressive, good weather, art, music, ...the list goes on and on. Sometimes we could overlook these things? right? is that what it means?
I have an idea. Next time, let's quote JA with Emma. This one I really like. How about when she says she's given that one girl charity but not kindness? Huh? Yes, I like it. Let's run with that one next time RS!!! Maybe some scriptural support? I think there was an ancient prophet somewhere who said something about that.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
She had seen my blog posting and I guess thought it was humorous. She looked up the info on the Badonkadonk Land cruiser Tank and adopted it for some gchat humor. She had the photo up and her tag read "why ride a bike when you could have a badonkadonk." Her friend Stu asked her if she knew what I badonkadonk was to which she replied with the information on the tank. He responded with this http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=badonkadonk (avoid scrolling down to avoid photos) and this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Badonkadonk to which Lauren responded "i am so embarrassed."
So this morning she shared with me this information which I find hysterical!! I also MUST admit...my urban slang is not where it should be and I did not know either. But I still think it's pretty funny. It's actually (Keegan) like the Louis Vittan story. I'm fine once someone tells me what it says, but I just can't read it. I recognize it as soon as it's spoken though. Odd. Perhpas something to do with my fantastic reading and spelling capabilities...
Since this morning I've had lines from Baby Got Back running through my mind so I can tease Lauren about it. 36-24-36? Only if you're 5'3''!!!!
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
So I'm driving along, pretty pleased with my new discovery when SLAM!!! I am rear-ended by the car behind which pushes me into the HUGE F-150 in front of me. My day took a sudden and harsh turn. I won't re traumatize myself by telling you the horrible frustrating experience. I'll just jump ahead to me co-facilitating a group today on Anger. My supervisor, who I really do have a good relationship with, decides that Linda has some great issues that would be entertaining to bring into the group today. So he says, "Linda, let's use an example. Let's just say, hypothetically, that you were in a car accident this morning...[everyone knew I was in a car accident, so everyone proceeds to laugh because it's real easy to laugh at me when you people live in misery daily]...how do you manage your anger in a situation like that." It's funny because this hypothetical actually helped me to realize that I was pretty pissed about the whole situation. Then people proceeded to tell me that I should go to the ER because I did have some neck a back pain. This just made me more angry (which my supervisor noted and smiled gleefully about). I am learning to admit that I get angry and deal with those feelings (I'm a facilitator in this anger group, just in case you missed that detail). So fast forward again to our processing the group in the staff office. We discussed how it was great self-disclosure for me to tell the group that "I love that you all now realize that I disguise my anger with other emotions that feel more comfortable for me, and right now, I'm not that comfortable." Brilliant Linda, Brilliant.
So this brings me to the five other staff vs. me confrontation about my going to the ER. I did not want to go. Me: Yes my neck and back hurt a little, but what are they going to do? It's just sore and it'll pass. Them: You HAVE to go. You could really be injured and it could get worse, you can get arthritis in your neck and have to be treated later, there could be something more wrong, you'd feel better, you should go, blah blah blah... Me: fine I'll go (if you all shut up). so I left.
Fast forward again...Somerville Hospital ER. Interesting people. Frustrating visit. To make a long story short (Peggy) I have strained my neck and back. Great. Glad I went. But this brings me to the highlight of my day. So I had to go through the little intake process where Gus had to do the whole blood pressure, heart rate, height, weight thing. So he's measuring my blood pressure and heart rate and I'm watching the numbers (not knowing at all what they mean) and he says, "oh, that's not right, don't worry we'll do it again." OK. So he proceeds to take my heart rate again. As he looks at the numbers puzzlingly, he starts to count the pulse rate himself on my wrist. "Great" I say, "am I dead?" No, of course not. My heart rate is just ridiculously low. Huh, I think. He asks if I am an athlete. I think about this. Yes? I answer more in the form of a question. That must explain it because he sends me on my way.
So I meet with the doctor and get my thrilling diagnoses and the nurse comes to free me. At this point I start wondering about my heart rate. What's normal? What was mine? What if I am not an athlete? What does it all mean Basil? So i ask the nurse, let's call her Gwen (a good nursy name). She looks at the paper and says. He wrote down 52. Let me check it again. OK. so she gets the little finger clamp thing and we both stare at the numbers. This time it's about a 45. She says normal is in the 60's. So she goes to tell the doctor, I did try to stop her, but she wouldn't have it. Am I dizzy? I don't even know what else they asked. But you're an athlete? Yes I answer this time with confidence. Oh, OK, they say. And then they let me leave. Still wondering about the whole heart rate thing. But since I'm looking on the bright side of life, I will just enjoy the fact that I'm freaking healthy.
I will also enjoy the fact that my doctor, bless his heart, prescribed rest, hot soaks, massage and pain meds. I think I'll take him up on that.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
My team consists of anyone who really loves and wants to swim. They say all levels of experience are welcome and they do a good job of welcoming all these people. I really love going and am still trying to find my place, because again, it's not my whole life. I'm really not going to cry if I have to leave 15 minutes early or whatever. I also find that I'm the kind of person who likes to joke around, make fun of stuff, mock people who take things too seriously, and just try to find ways to make my life like a Seinfeld episode. I have learned AGAIN that these people are NOT to be played with.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm there keeping people from their workout or anything. I'm there to swim too. I'm also not there to make friends (way to many, thank you very much :) But still, can't we at least lighten up a bit? I mean really!
I was a back stroker, I like this picture. This brings me to Godzilla who swam with me today. I had practice from 12-1:30 at Harvard and I really look forward to it. I get there on time and warm up and EVERYTHING!! Friday noon's are hard because we have fewer lanes and a lot of people come. I was excited today because there was one guy and me warming up in the same lane. I new it was too good to be true. Sure enough, when it was time to start the set, apparently the lane arrived. And Godzilla led out. This workout was HARD!! Not that all of you will know what this means, but a few might:
8 100's Descend, 3 500's PULL, 6 100's Descend, 2 500's PULL, 4 100's Descend, 1 500 Pull, 2 100's Descend. That's it. It doesn't sound bad, But that's A WHOLE LOTTA YARDS!! And a whole lotta PULL!!! (descend means each 100 is faster than the previous)
I'm one who uses a strong kick. When it comes to pull sets, I'm not that great. It KILLS me. Godzilla, however, seemed to have no legs. That girl just crawled through the water. I felt like I was sprinting and I had NO chance!! She wasn't nice either. She could have moved to a faster lane, but no. our base of 1:30 was where she wanted to be. let's just say I could hardly pull myself out of the water when I was done. My arms felt like they would fall off and I still feel like I have a huge knot in the very center of my back...so sad.
When spring comes I will again swim here...where JOY is. Walden pond. A mile out and back. It's Beautiful and I don't have to worry about Legless Godzilla running me over...oh will that time ever come!
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
I had a great weekend. I went to Connecticut with a few friends and had an amazing time! I knew it would be a great weekend, but had NO FREAKING IDEA how great! I wanted to tell a certain story here on my blog. But things changed...I could have gone off and told you about the fabulous house on the coast, the thug SUV we got to roll in, the shopping, dancing, movies, dares, sleeping arrangements, food, overrated Pepe's pizza, navigational devices, massage tables, how many people can sleep in a king size bed (if they had to), healing, analyzing, code-breaking, tire-slashing and so many other things worthy of individual blogs--they are that fantastic!!!! BUT I wanted instead to share the HIGHLIGHT of the trip--church on Sunday morning.
So I began to write. I was an English major for my undergrad and really enjoy writing a good story. As I wrote and developed incredible details I had to stop myself!! The idea behind the story was that the speaker in church was like no one I had ever heard before. I really wanted nothing more than to share the details of all the amazing things being said from the pulpit about how difficult marriage was (well her in her marriage). But as I wrote I started to feel really really bad. I felt no joy in telling her story. I figured that the world is small enough. I know someone who knows someone who knows her and it would get spread around and this poor poor girl who obviously is struggling in figuring out what role she wants to play in her life does not need to be mocked by me!! How mean am I?!?!? REALLY!!! I'm not usually so mean and judgmental, so...
That's why I'm so proud of myself today. Learning that if I don't have anything nice to say why pass it along. It wouldn't help me (not therapeutic to write it , it just frustrated me more and brought the original Sunday morning feelings back to the surface), it certainly wouldn't help this girl, and besides, I really doubt I'd be able to do the story justice (it was that over the top, CRAZY!!! I couldn't believe what was happening!). It certainly wouldn't help anyone reading.
To sum it all up: Marriage is hard (so I hear), I'm old (and this girl didn't have to wait as long as me to get married--i think she was 12, OK maybe 19), her x-boyfriend was really photogenic (important detail in the broad scheme of things), marriage is a commandment and we must deal with the consequences of that decision unless someone is abusive (cause apparently that's the only OK reason to get divorced). It was made clear that neither this girl nor her husband were abusive (they were in it for the long haul), yet she felt it OK to abuse all of us listening (OK, I just had to say that one thing) I learned a ton!! and even better...I learned how to not spread unnecessary and cruel personal stories although this girl felt OK sharing it with me! I'm so pleased!! :)
Thursday, January 11, 2007
So I love my job/internship. I work in a day treatment program for adults with various mental illness. Besides really loving the clients I work with, the staff are fantastic!!! I have a lot of fun with them. We laugh a lot and there is always some crazy thing we're discussing. The other day it was planning my up-coming Neil Diamond birthday bash (stay tuned for more details on that!!) But yesterday it was the Color Quiz...everyone in the office took turns on the computer taking this little gem (colorquiz.com if you dare!!). It's always fascinating to hear what others results are. Me...not so thrilled, well, maybe I'm not so sure.
I had just ended a group all about how we struggle to make changes in our lives and the emphasis was on ignoring/battling/rejecting our inner critic. So from there I go to take this little personality test. Let me share with you the results. The results will be in this color and my commentary in italics.
Your existing situation:
Sensuous (really?). Inclined (i wouldn't necessarily say inclined, maybe prefers) to luxuriate in things which give gratification to the senses(who doesn't?), but rejects anything tasteless, vulgar, or coarse(my parents will be proud!).
Your stress sources:
Wants to overcome a feeling of emptiness and of separation from others(maybe I shouldn't just copy everything this computer said...but don't MOST people feel an emptiness after being separated from people they care about? I don't mean to defend or argue, well maybe I do). Believes that life still has far more to offer and that she may miss her share of experiences if she fails to make the best use of every opportunity(Thanks color quiz, well yeah, i want to make the most of every opportunity, because if I don't I DO believe I'll miss some experiences...right?). She therefore pursues her objectives with a fierce intensity and commits herself deeply and readily(well, I don't know about deeply or readily...I think I'm proud of myself when I pursue ANY objective and am thrilled when I feel slightly motivated). Feels herself to be completely (completely?) competent(is that even possible?) in any field in which she engages, and can sometimes be considered by others to be interfering or meddlesome (Who ever feels this way MUST let me know, because I just don't think so. If anything I show a lack of interest in my friends lives and pursuits, HARDLY meddlesome...come on!!).
Your restrained characteristics (oh, you want to keep going?):
Believes that she is not receiving her share (hmm, I'm listening)--that she is neither properly understood nor adequately appreciated(well I certainly do now!!). Feels that she is being compelled to conform(only to a list of computer generated personality traits), and close relationships leave her without any sense of emotional involvement(I have no response to that).
Circumstances are forcing her to compromise, to restrain her demands and hopes(This is where that inner critic comes in, and when we fight and argue--battle if you will--against the inner critic. I WILL NOT LOSE MY HOPES!!), and to forgo for the time being some of the things she wants(well what do i want mighty computer quiz? That would be helpful, then I'll know with what i can compromise and/or go with out).
Exacting in her emotional demands, especially during moments of intimacy leaving her frustrated in her desire for a perfect union(still processing this one...initial response? my mind is a blank).
Your Desired objective (oh, here we go, tell me what i want!):
Shelves her ambitions and forgoes her desire for prestige as she prefers to take things easily and indulge her longing for comfort and security(that's a desired objective?!?! This is telling me NOTHING).
Your actual problem (Bring it! I'm ready):
The fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants leads her to play her part with an urgent and hectic intensity(why is this a problem? I think that's a positive...perhaps explaining my personality problem?).
Your actual problem #2 (Wow! I get two! No one else did!):
Fights against restriction or limitation(yikes!! Obviously!), and insists on developing freely as a result of her own efforts (yes, evil color computer quiz thing!! I will not conform to you or anyone else!! I will develop as I will and it SHOULD come from my own efforts!!).
Saturday, January 6, 2007
This lovely little ditty was shared with me by a few close friends who have been hunting for some reason our world has been so weirdly warm...not that I'm complaining, although it is creepy...
This leads me to my recent adventures as I return to Boston. I received the above notice and decided that YES!! I will do my part and help fight global warming. Perhaps I should consider becoming a pirate!!
To experiment a little I decided to visit the USS Constitution which is still sea worthy and docked in Boston Harbor. Since the weather was so nice a friend and I ventured out...ain't she a beauty!?!?!?
YES I COULD...AND HERE I AM!!
Our next stop was the WWII battle ship. The USS Cassin Young--A much cooler name in my opinion. Sounds more pirate-like, but didn't look it though. Although the WWII vessel did have other appealing pirate-like qualities.
60 Men all off at sea, all of 'em drunk except for me...Yo Ho Ho Ho over the raging sea we go, Yo Ho Ho Ho over the raging sea, HAY!! (just getting the feel)
Hmm, modern day pirates need guns like these, and probably top-notch, state of the art computers. At this point I am certain "It's a Pirates Life for Me!!"
But WAIT!!! What's this...off at sea for long periods of time? Eating really hard stale bread? (thank you USS Constitution museum) Drinking Lively Water, contaminated with algae, and all other kinds of little critters (thank you my chipper tour guide Naval Officer Stacy) Do I have what it takes?
Maybe I should just buy a Hybrid. Or I could always practice. Maybe go to a ship that's actually moving...hmm, maybe I will. I WILL!!!!
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
Since I've grown up my mother has a very difficult time shopping for me. She still tries, bless her heart, but this just leaves my closet with items I will NEVER wear and hate having in there. But because it's from her I have a hard time parting with it. Well, that's how it used to be. I finally have worked up the courage to tell her as sweetly as I can, that I am not EVER going to wear that!! I hate to have her spend money on things I would never use, wear, or appreciate. Which brings me to my conversation this morning.
My mother LOVES JCPenny. This is probably because they have Talls and then she can buy me lots and lots of wonderful things that will be long enough. (my mother thinks I would look SO lovely in something a little bit longer than what I usually wear. I tell her that I have nothing against wearing something a little longer as long as I like it. I just don't find a lot of skirts I like that hit me mid-calf, one reason being that what's mid-calf on one person hits me just barely below the knee.) This morning she busts out the JCPenny catalogue and shows me all the things she thought I might like. This times it's skirts. Let me be clear. I really have nothing against JCPenny. The skirts she likes look lovely. Really.
My big thing is that I've grown into somewhat of a fabric snob. If JCPenny had a lovely wool twill or tweed charcoal heather skirt, I'd probably really like it. Oh, and if it was lined. But my problem comes in that each skirt was a polyester/rayon/spandex blend. Again I found myself telling my mom, "I'd love the skirt if it is was just polyester or rayon (not spandex) [maybe] but the blend stuff ends up a really harsh, stiff, uncomfortable fabric. I'm just not a fan." I then pulled up JCrew.com (a favorite for it ALSO has talls). My mother seemed skeptical. I showed her a few ditty's as examples of what I like. My mother, "well how long is it?" Me, "this one hits mid-calf, this one just below the knee." My mother, "it doesn't look that way on the model. I like JCPenny because it tells me exactly in inches how long the skirt is." Me, "...(blank stare)..." She got me. I cannot argue with that. JCrew does not tell me in inches anything. Shoot.
I showed her some other sites for examples of other things I like and ended up emphasizing my love affair with dresses. I am always on the hunt for dresses that I like (fabric, style, length, season, PRICE, etc.) My collection is very small. I'm picky (and poor). We ended our discussion with a few things in agreement. 1. It's great that I know what I like. 2. It's good that I don't like to buy things I won't wear. 3. It's really great that I don't like spending what I think is too much for something. 4. We both like to look nice. 5. Dresses are great when they work.
Monday, January 1, 2007
Last night, as we all hung around my brothers house, stuffed just beyond the point of comfort, my father busted out his chocolate cheesecake. "Who wants?" Um, I couldn't even look at him although I let him know as gently as possible (don't want to offend) that I'd be sick if I ate it. Although I encouraged him to eat as much as he possibly could and try to savor every bite. When he asked my mother she said, "I'm done with that." My sister-in-law Tiffany and I bust up laughing thinking that was the GREATEST resolution we had ever heard! The brilliant vagueness of the idea allows for so many options and yet so little opportunity to fail in keeping it. I just may set a resolution after all. For the rest of the night we laughed at all the potential things we could be DONE with. Let me explain what I mean: I am done eating chocolate chip cookies, on Fridays, in February, every other year, when there is at least two inches of snow on the ground. But only between the hours of 2pm-7pm. I'm done with that. Except for when I've had a really great day. Then it does not apply. So a bad day, fridays in february, everyother year, between the hours of 2 and 7 with 2 or more inches of snow on the ground...NO CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES!! I'm seriously done with that! Here are just a few...a small beginning, if you will, of all the things I could possibly be done with. (The details still need to be worked out)
*answering my phone
*having my phone on
*carrying my phone with me
*eating chocolate chip cookies
*saying yes to things I don't want to do
*feeling any sense of dysphoria
*laughing when people are not funny just to avoid an embarrassing silence
*trying to keep in touch
*trying to make people feel good
*trying to please
oh the list goes on and on...the possiblities are endless and so very exciting!!!