Sunday, July 29, 2007

Good Things

I'm leaving in the morning to go to the St. Lawrence River in upstate New York to stay at my sisters vacation home. I'm really excited!! So that's a good thing!

My birthday is really soon. I wanted to have a party on Saturday but a church activity has been rescheduled for Saturday and I have guilt about doing something at the same time. The good thing is that I'm choosing to not care about guilt--I'm done with that--and It's OK even if nothing happens for my birthday. I know I'm still special.

I had a new job possibility surface on Friday which sounds really interesting. So I feel hopeful.

I went to a friends birthday dinner tonight and really enjoyed sitting with 10 other women laughing about so many things: dream analysis, horrific clothing we had to wear as children, horrific clothing we chose to wear as teenagers, crazy things our parents did to us as children, and many more wonderful things. It's been a while since I laughed that hard!!

I visit teach some incredible women. Today we had a really interesting conversation about the tribes of Israel. It bounced to so many topics and it was nice to be able to talk about spiritual things. and it's OK to not understand everything!!

The best thing I've been thinking about today is how I can choose. I can choose anything. I choose how I want to feel! I know there may be some who disagree with that, but I stand by it. If something occurs and I feel upset or down about it. I can choose how long I'm going to feel that way, then I can act and do something to change it. And I think this is where the Savior comes in for me. My understanding is that he suffered so I don't have to. He's promised to help me and, again, I have to choose to allow him to.

It's so great to know that I am never stuck. That's a good thing.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Gloomy Mood

yeah, I don't really have anything to add to that. It sucks!

Monday, July 23, 2007

Martha's Vineyard

Last Saturday I went with a group of friends FOR THE FIRST TIME to Martha's Vineyard!! I was so excited because I'd heard so much about this place and I knew it was going to be an amazing day. Taking pictures has never been a priority for me and this weekend was no exception so I only have a few but here it goes:

Suzy and I got up really early (too early) and left my house at 7:30. We drove down the coast and parked at Woods Hole where we would take the ferry to MV. Suzy and I decided to get some breakfast in the little town and I wish I had a photo of my muffin--pure cake! I think there may have been a berry or two=breakfast! Then we met up with Brenda, Laura and Robin, got on the ferry and were on our way.
I was pretty giddy and just wanted to stare at all the gorgeous houses and boats along the way. I now have big plans for a house on the coast. The summer home. When we got to MV we took a taxi to Edgartown and met up with the other ladies. We found South Beach and proceeded to our beach activity for the next few hours.

Here we have Brenda and Laura at South Beach. The beach was crowded, but the sun was warm and the water refreshingly cool! The waves were so fun to play in--it was amazing!! Then we decided to go to lunch, then rent some bikes and go the SHARKFEST!!! WaHoo!!

So there was this huge Shark catching tournament on MV this weekend. We took the scenic route (not entirely on purpose but totally worth it) and made it through the island to where the sharks were being weighed in. There were so many people and we saw many a shark carcass displayed by the proud competitors. Sick eh?

Our bike adventure was perfect! After the shark extravaganza we decided to bike along the coast (since we somehow went through the middle of the island on our way up the coast) and were able to see the most amazing sunset!!

I love it when you get strangers to take pictures and they have no vision of what works. There was a fabulous little pond and sunset just to the right of Suzy here--hoping for a different angle. Thanks anyway man!

We had to bike back up the coast and return our bikes. We then got back on the ferry to start the trek home. It was such a beautiful day!! I can't wait to go again (when I get a job and have income) and Nantucket (I might need to wait to go there until I have three jobs).

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Check this out

I'd never seen this before and am so glad my friend shared it with me. I actually usually don't like stuff like this but I thought this was so funny and well done! and it reminds me a bit of some people I used to know.

we got a couple of squares here!!

(check out bad-boy Todd's belt buckle)

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

creepy landlord tale #1

There are many many tales I could tell of my creepy landlord. He's just an odd guy!! So to preface my first official landlord tale I must say that he is a nice guy. He tries to be very helpful and yet not too involved. Overall, not a bad landlord but there's just something about him that makes me avoid him in any way possible. (perhaps it's the way he looks at me and my roommates--poor Devon became his best friend...JUST SAY NO, DEV)

I arrived last night after driving back from Maryland. I found two notes on my kitchen table from my landlord. All of the current tenants are looking to vacate the premises at the end of August and so he wants to get a key so he can show the place to prospective tenants.

Note 1:

Hello Ladies:
1. I had hoped to show someone your apt. yesterday; but, no one was home and I don't have a key--can I get one?
2. It is the 12th and I am still missing one rent check

(that'd be my new roommate who I've spoken to twice, conversation consisting of Hi, How's it going (me), Hi (her). So don't get me started on that girl).

Note 2:
(received yesterday)
Hello Ladies--
could you leave me a key to your apt to copy or leave the back door open and let me know good times to show the apt. to future tenants

Reasonable notes considering none of my roommates responded to the first one (i was out of town). I've found from previous experience that he doesn't bother much if you respond when he has a request or concern.

Amazing Creepy part kicks in here...

BANGING on our door. I'm still in bed, I know it's him, and there is NO WAY I'm answering that door. I hear my roommate let him in and then I hear them talking for a LONG time. I understand you need a key dude, but one of us was in the shower, my roommate answered in a bathrobe...I mean, It would have made me angry but I wouldn't have been surprised if he opened my bedroom door. I was watching it carefully!

So my roommate took care of him, BLESS YOU! Now we just need to watch out cuz he could walk in any time (he did once before when our back door was open--that was fun).

***he just knocked on the door and is now inside...

Saturday, July 14, 2007


Today I was thinking. I was driving my younger sister, Amanda, to her friends house and we started talking. Since I've been home this week in Maryland, I had the opportunity to go with her to her swim meets, to go running with her in preparation for lacrosse camp, and to even bake cookies in our kitchen. (I can't tell you when the last time I baked cookies was...not since moving to Boston that I can remember) We've had fun. As I watch my 12 year old sister, almost 13, I notice some similarities and differences between us. Watching her swim and run, I couldn't help but wish she'd push harder, train more diligently, and make it more of a priority in her life. As I started to become a little frustrated with her "lack of drive" I had to stop myself from judging too harshly. I am my own worst critic, even enemy perhaps. How can I put the harsh judgements of myself onto my sweet sister. We are not the same.

Today as we were driving I asked her a few questions. What do you look forward to? What excites you? What gives you a feeling of accomplishment or fulfillment? It was a short conversation but a lot of fun. She looks forward to lacrosse camp and is excited about that and she feels really accomplished after an orchestra concert, after working so hard. It was really fun to hear about some of the things she's interested in. I also realize that my own transition from graduate school to finding a job to figuring out where I am going to live and all that jazz is effecting my own feelings of accomplishment and fulfillment. At least my education has paid off some and I am able to notice my own cognitive distortions and projection.

For now I'm heading to the grocery store. My Mormor has just handed me a 20 with a post-it that reads: Smickers (Snickers), Baby Ruth, Sundae (Sunday), and Fudge Track. Yes, my dear sweet Mormor. I will go on an ice cream run for you. Perhaps this will add to both of us feeling more accomplished today. Me for doing something for you, and You! You have successfully financed the restocking of our ice cream stash. Then my dad will feel accomplished as he rewards himself with a huge heaping bowl after mowing the lawn, my mother will feel accomplished as she rejects all offers of ice cream, and we can all laugh at the ice cream smears that will appear in the morning on the kitchen light switch: The fulfillment of things as they should be, coming full circle.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

How much is your dead body worth?

Today I read a friend's blog which was about her addiction to blogging. She's a champion blogger...really. I took her quiz and I was at like 40%, so I'm really not that addicted, Thankfully.

But this site had some AMAZING quizes to take! Check this one out:

$5275.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth. From Mingle2 - Free Online Dating

Mingle2 - Free Online Dating

I mean...That's important stuff to know!!

Sunday, July 8, 2007

modesty wars

I'm not sure why, but today I found myself thinking back to one of my very first arguments (that I can remember) about modesty with my parents.

Well, I guess I kind of know why. I was in church today and I wore flip-flops. For some this is not a big deal, but I come from a family where there are things that are Sunday wear and things that are NOT. Flip-flops are on the not side. My father (I love him dearly) has very strong opinions about what's appropriate when we dress to worship. I love that they have taught me to try to look my best. I had a late night last night, and an early morning. I wore my flip-flops today because I wanted to be as comfortable as possible, almost sleep-like. And all day, felt slightly guilty because I knew my father would be disappointed.

So as I sat in my meetings today I kept thinking about my flip-flops and looking at how others were dressed. I was surrounded my many do's and don't's of my upbringing. As I sat I remembered my emerald green skirt.

Picture this: 6th grade. That's like 11 or 12 right? Me going shopping. I some how convince my mother to buy me this black and emerald green plaid skirt. Thinking back now, my mother should have said no because it was ugly, nasty ugly. This is like 1990 people. But somehow I got this skirt home. I LOVED this skirt!! I was so excited to wear it, so I tried it on for my sister Elise. Elise was probably 16 or so and immediately chimed in that it was too short and that dad would never let me wear this. In fact, I believe Elise was going to make sure Dad wouldn't let me wear it. Because I vividly remember this conversation (if you could call it that).

My dad comes home from work. We eat dinner, Elise and my mother bring up the infamous skirt and I am made to go try it on to show my father. I remember standing in our living room, which is right off the kitchen, my dad still eating dinner, my sister sitting on the couch in the living room, (looking but not), and me pleading not to return the skirt. I was so upset! so angry that this skirt was like 3 inches above my knee. It was going back. I don't even think they gave me the option of doing "what I thought was right." It was going back. I was devastated. I totally blamed Elise.

There have been many such wars to follow. Formal dresses, swim wear (honeymoon and not), shorts, cap sleeves--ok or not ok, form fitting goes on and on. I'm happy to say that we are able to laugh about some of these situations now, but I know we ALL (Sarah and Elise) remember the strong feelings evoked in those discussions/debates.

I also want to add that I LOVE that I was taught that there are right and wrongs when dressing modestly. I am not one to tell someone else that they should do what I do, or think the way I think. But I am very grateful that I have been taught to have respect for my body, and to find the reasons to be more modest instead of the many excuses not to be. I am by no means perfect in this category. It's actually something I still struggle with at times. But it's now an easy struggle. I want to be modest, not just the way I was taught, but the way I believe NOW that I should.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Tennis Prom

Last summer I participated in a tennis tournament that some friends were putting together. I really love tennis and when my friend announced he was organizing a mixed doubles tournament a friend and I quickly signed up.

Now let me say here that I LOVE LOVE LOVE tennis. Loving tennis does not necessarily mean that I have ever participated in competitive tennis. I play for fun with friends whenever they can play with me. I don't have a powerful serve, I don't really have a powerful arm or fantastic angles, but I can play. I know the rules, I can serve in the box and return serves and rally. So I consider myself decent, but not good, with me?

So my partner last year was MUCH better than I was. And the first people we played were really good. My partner was probably better but because he was playing with me, we lost. It was kind of fun, but I do hate losing just because I suck worse than someone else.

About a month ago the emails began again for our tennis tournament. This time when I got the email, I thought that if someone really wanted to play with me then I was willing. But I wasn't really eager to be a part of the tournament again. I never responded to the emails, Never. I swear. A few of my tennis friends were pretty excited to play and began frantically looking for tennis partners. I sat with one friend (a really good player) as she sent text messages to any potential partners. When she got one and they arranged to play together she immediately started to wonder if he was going to help her win. She then started to plan a way to assess the skills of this partner and what other options there might be (We're all pretty competitive people) Another friend reported to me her efforts to find available partners reporting that many had been recruited already.

With all this going on, a few friends and I now refer to this event as tennis prom. It just seems kind of silly. I sat back observing thinking how glad I was that I decided previously that I'd play if someone wants a partner, but I'm not asking ANYONE to tennis prom. NO WAY!!

So imagine my surprise when a few weeks later an email went out identifying the registered pairs for the tournament. On this list was 20 or so pairs ready to play and then it identified the "solo" entries. There I was. I read it and wondered how that happened because I know I never responded to this email...let alone without a partner. I was listed as going stag to tennis prom!!! What!?!?!

There were four solo men and four solo women registered. We were encouraged to team up and play. By now I really wanted nothing to do with it, but then as I thought a bit more about it I found it funny. This isn't the first time I've been "signed up" for something unawares. I was also recently signed up for a beach trip that I didn't sign up for. I was out of town...PROOF that something weird is going on.

So now I'm playing in this tournament. It'll be fun, but now I have to deal with my competitive nature again in a sport that I'm not really good at. It'll be good for me. Learning to lose graciously!