Today I was thinking. I was driving my younger sister, Amanda, to her friends house and we started talking. Since I've been home this week in Maryland, I had the opportunity to go with her to her swim meets, to go running with her in preparation for lacrosse camp, and to even bake cookies in our kitchen. (I can't tell you when the last time I baked cookies was...not since moving to Boston that I can remember) We've had fun. As I watch my 12 year old sister, almost 13, I notice some similarities and differences between us. Watching her swim and run, I couldn't help but wish she'd push harder, train more diligently, and make it more of a priority in her life. As I started to become a little frustrated with her "lack of drive" I had to stop myself from judging too harshly. I am my own worst critic, even enemy perhaps. How can I put the harsh judgements of myself onto my sweet sister. We are not the same.
Today as we were driving I asked her a few questions. What do you look forward to? What excites you? What gives you a feeling of accomplishment or fulfillment? It was a short conversation but a lot of fun. She looks forward to lacrosse camp and is excited about that and she feels really accomplished after an orchestra concert, after working so hard. It was really fun to hear about some of the things she's interested in. I also realize that my own transition from graduate school to finding a job to figuring out where I am going to live and all that jazz is effecting my own feelings of accomplishment and fulfillment. At least my education has paid off some and I am able to notice my own cognitive distortions and projection.
For now I'm heading to the grocery store. My Mormor has just handed me a 20 with a post-it that reads: Smickers (Snickers), Baby Ruth, Sundae (Sunday), and Fudge Track. Yes, my dear sweet Mormor. I will go on an ice cream run for you. Perhaps this will add to both of us feeling more accomplished today. Me for doing something for you, and You! You have successfully financed the restocking of our ice cream stash. Then my dad will feel accomplished as he rewards himself with a huge heaping bowl after mowing the lawn, my mother will feel accomplished as she rejects all offers of ice cream, and we can all laugh at the ice cream smears that will appear in the morning on the kitchen light switch: The fulfillment of things as they should be, coming full circle.
3 comments:
When you asked Amanda, "What excites you?" - at least she didn't say "ice cream". If only I could re-live the 80's... I'd be the man.
Or microwave popcorn ... ha ha.
Cute post Linda. So true in so many ways. Loved the ice cream bit. I probably enjoy it more because I am in your family and know of the Rueckert ways.
Mormor spelled sundae right by the way. That is how you spell ice cream sundae. Do you hate that I am a teacher? Just thought I"d throw Momor a bone.
I didn't know you were going home for a while. I come back on the 23rd, are you still going to be there? Say yes. Elliott smith say yes??
love you! Wish I could run on the track with you! Wish I could run period.
Ricki,
It is so good to hear from you. When I read your blog of course I love it. I wish I was a better writer. I miss you. I'll plan a trip soon with the babe of course. Rachel
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