I want to be a race car driver

Lately I have been driving a lot. More than I'd like. I spend a lot of time on the freeway sitting in traffic to and from work. It pretty much sucks. a lot. I have also noticed that with all this driving frustration I feel a great desire to BUST OUT!!! By that I mean many different things. Sometimes bust out screaming at the car in front of me, other times bust out dancing to the fabulous new Top 40 cd a friend passed on to me (since I don't have any music like that), bust out singing--which I do often--loudly. When there is movement on the road, I want to bust out swerving around those people who feel the need to drive 55 mph on a freeway...it goes on.

I have also noticed that when I'm on a road and there isn't a lot of traffic I want to drive as fast as I can. I don't really think about it, I just do. I like to see how fast I can pass the car next to me. As I do so, I wonder why they aren't driving faster. I mean, we are all on the road because we want to get somewhere, right? We could all get there a little faster if we helped each other out. I love finding breaks in the heavy traffic driving home from work. Why do people feel the need to change lanes when they aren't passing a car? I find that I can actually drive faster in the far right lane then in the far left during high traffic times. I also pride myself on being very aware of my surroundings as I push 70 or 75 (here's to hoping) when cars around me are going like 60. I can time it pretty well and maneuver around them. It's like I'm a race car driver in a video game or something. What I need now is a nicer car.

I've also stopped obeying certain traffic rules. For example: lights that change when they don't need to--I've started to ignore them. If there is a pedestrian, by all means, I will stop and let them go. But if they aren't there, why should I stop for a blinking walk man on a street sign? I've also stopped slowing down for yellow and red lights. If the car in front of me goes, I don't care what color the light is, I'm going too. All those signs about not turning on red? Doesn't apply to me. I was taught to look both ways before crossing a street when I was in kindergarten. I have only perfected that since then and find it a useful tool when driving.

There are other things I laugh out loud about when driving. Like how I drive with my knees, text in my left hand as I switch songs or playlists around on my ipod in my right hand. This is pretty ridiculous. I feel the need to say here that I am not an idiot. I am actually a very safe driver. Lately I just want to push limits. This is such a lame way to do it, but it's better then some other things I could do. (and other things I'm not going to blog about)

As I write this I realize that I have some level of defiance surfacing (in a few different areas, not just driving). I sit in group therapy all day long and am pretty good at analyzing my own crap. I'm having a hard time being done in school, having a job, and realizing that this is my life. I think at times I feel that it's all wrong. I miss my previous life of rock climbing, long boarding, running in the mountains, swimming almost daily, spending time with friends that I love, and being close to my family. That was right. So until I figure out how to manage/balance/change what's happening now I have to BUST OUT!! I like some calculated risks, adventures, something exciting. Driving is just one feeble way I'm striving for SOMETHING. and that's pretty lame.