The Truth

I have made a discovery! It's been something that I've noticed in the past, but not something I've understood...until now.

When I lived in Utah there were several occasions when I would leave and go home to visit my family. Also, there were times when I'd spend more time then usual with my brothers and sisters. Whenever I returned to the regular routine of my life after these occasions my friends would comment on how I was different. They'd tell me I'd glow, or smile more, or laugh more, or that I was just more freely happy. When they made these comments I always just thought that I needed a break from the routine and seeing my family refreshed me. This is true, but there is more to it.

Last week I traveled to Utah to spend time with my family. My parents and siblings who live on the east and west coasts congregated in Utah and we were able to enjoy conference together and also a whole week with everyone in all their glory. It was a great trip (regardless of my catching my nephews disease). We were able to stay up late talking, laughing, sharing stories, mocking each other...it was quality.

I've returned to Boston and I have noticed again a change in me. At first I was blaming lack of sleep, jet lag, or illness for my silly lighthearted behavior. On Easter Sunday I went to dinner at a friends house. We hid Easter eggs and hunted them. It was great! I can't give specific examples of how my behavior is different, but it mostly manifests itself through silly comments, questions, and stories. Most look at me with an "are you serious" look on their faces, but for the others who truly know me...they know better. This is me after being with my family. After the egg hunt I went over to another friends house where we played games for a few hours. I had so much fun!! I was tired (had hardly slept in 48 hours) but as I laughed and blamed my behavior on this lack of sleep I realized something else. When I'm just tired or sick, I'm grumpy. I can hardly stand to be around myself. And this was different!!

This is me after spending quality time with people I love who bring out another side of me. It is always so fun to come back and enjoy the few days of unsuppressed "me". My walls are lower, my confidence more solid, and I feel more genuine. Sadly, as the days pass I revert slightly (not completely) to the old routine. I'm going to try really hard to let this last as long as possible. It's hard though, when there are projects, papers, paperwork and just stuff to do...but I'll try!