Fancy Bird = Evil Bird

I am not a fan of birds, not sure why, but I think most are ugly and diseased. I was attacked by a huge white swan-like bird as a kid (not a swan) so maybe that has something to do with it. I was asked in a game of loaded question, if I could rid the world of three things what would they be. I'm not sure what my brilliant answer was completely but I know I included birds, but not the fancy birds. I remember this because this was later made a recurring theme in future loaded question games. Fancy birds.

Fancy birds meaning really beautiful rare birds that I had perhaps seen in books, nice colorful pictures...they're beautiful! But I take it back now, I'm taking it all back.

This weekend my landlord went out of town and asked if I'd feed his bird while he was away. I have told some people this before but I would rather clean someones bathroom than watch their children, plants or animals. I think it's just a lack of experience, but I'm just not one who likes to do this. I said I would.

He showed me through his disgusting apartment (I don't think I'd clean his bathroom...ever) where I found this large parrot-like bird (not a parrot). He told me that his bird doesn't really like women, but as long as I approach the bird with authority it won't question me. (What the H does that mean?) At this point I'm thinking, I don't like birds, but I'm certainly not scared of them.

So he leaves. Fast forward, 1st visit to the bird: There is a small food dish and a small water dish hanging on a wire at the front of the cage. I reach my hand in and the bird comes right over to where my hand is and flaps its wings and squawks at me. I quickly pull my hand back but yell at the bird "back off I'm getting you food" and then I go again. The bird repeats annoying behavior but I grab the food and do what I'm supposed to do as fast as I can. AND YES I WAS SCARED OF THE BIRD!!!

Next day, forgot, sorry bird.

The next day I remember the bird. I go upstairs and its food dish is empty. This time it allows me to get the food dish without any problem. As soon as I fill it and put it back its there eating it and I can't get to the water which looks really really sick. So I figure I'll come back. Hours later I return and now the bird is back to its usual annoying self, squawking and flapping at me. Its making this very difficult but yet I feel like the bird needs better water. So I go quickly to grab the water. As I do the bird lunges at me and I spill some of the delicious contents of the water/regurgitated food mixture on my clothes. NEVER have I smelled something so sick and disgusting. The strong stench of vomit is way too much for me. I quickly dump it in the sink and refill it. Want to throw it at the bird, but put it back and go back to my apartment.

I wash my hands about three times and throw the shirt i was wearing in the washing machine. Yet the smell still won't go away!!! I then change my pants and add them to the washer. Then I took a shower. Finally the smell went away.

I hate ALL birds

(except woody woodpecker)