Final Lent Confessions

So, like I confessed earlier, I have a difficult time following through with things. I still owe three confessions.

1. I'm not doing that 1/2 marathon. It was fun for the day I considered it. I've now come to the same realization I've always had prior to deciding to do that--I feel no need to run 13 miles EVER. I respect all people who want to set goals like that. I just don't think it would do anything for me. I run just about every day and I'm good with going anywhere between 3-6 miles. I'm totally satisfied. Thank you.

2. I bought a plane ticket to Hawaii recently. I have a friend getting married there and I've never been, and I found a really good deal. I am, however, wondering if it was such a great idea. (Don't get me wrong, I'm going and it'll be awesome) I am trying to do a better job of living within my means. This doesn't exactly help me with that goal. So I confess (mom) I shouldn't have, but hey, this is another great learning opportunity. So I'm not going to worry about it but enjoy this mistake...just like those boots a few months ago.

3. I get really grumpy when I don't swim for a while. A lot of people who know me well, when they notice I'm freaking out about something or getting too irritable, will ask me if I've been swimming lately. Usually when this happens I'll all-of-a-sudden get it, and then I'll go swimming and everything will fall into place. (like it always does--and probably would even if I didn't go swim, but swimming makes me feel good)

I want to go to France

I've had this stuck in my head for two days. The funny thing is that I don't mind. I've LOVED having this stuck in my head. Everything's a little more funny and I want to do the shuffle everytime I enter a room, dressed in flashy bright colors, dressed to the nines.

Faux de fa fa!! fa fa!!

Lent Confessions 3/18 and 3/19

* I've been half way through Crime and Punishment for about 5 years. I'm not proud of this because I really like the book!! I remember exactly where I am and what's been happening. Whenever I go home I'll read a few more pages, but usually when I go home (this is at my parents house, the book is on a shelf in my room there) there is always so many other things to do than to sit a read. I'm usually only home for a few days. I think I need to get a copy and finish it. It's an awesome book!

* I love to sing. I wish I had an amazing voice but it's pretty weak. I can read music and I have a very sensitive ear, but I've never learned to have a strong voice. When I was younger I remember dancing around my living room listening to our record of Broadway's Annie. I would even act it out. My favorite number, if you will, was "You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile." I remember pretending I was on stage performing for a huge crowd. I wanted to grow up and be a singer. I don't think I've grown out of that either. I still love to blare my music and sing-a-long. I'm a sucker for karaoke--it's my only chance to perform. For that small moment I can be a rockstar--like I was meant to be.

Confession 3/17

Today is St. Patricks day. What better way for me to pay tribute than to post my favorite picture of me and my parents in Boston...my mom is wearing an incredible green shirt!! Nah, that's just dumb, but I wanted to post about my parents. Last Saturday, the 15th, was their wedding anniversary. They've been married for 34 years. So how will this tribute fit in with a confession? Easy, I called them on Saturday, not to wish them a happy anniversary, but to complain about something lame...again. I am such a brat and my parents are such amazingly GOOD people. I confess I love my parents and am in awe of them. I can be very stubborn and proud, but they always remind me of what's important.

My parents would do ANYTHING for their children. They have done everything they could to give us opportunities and to lighten the loads and burdens we carry. I say we and us meaning my brothers and sisters and myself. But I suppose it will be easier for me to just talk for myself. I wouldn't be who or what I am today without their examples of faith, love, and sacrifice.

*Both of my parents are amazing examples of magnifying their church responsibilities. They have always served in whatever capacity they have been asked without complaint or hint of a murmur.
*Whenever I call them in despair about some lame aspect of my life they listen and love me no matter how flippant and rude I can be in return.
*I get chills thinking about all the things my parents have gone without just to provide better things for their children--college expenses, cars, houses, opportunities for travel and other forms of exploration.
*They have their priorities where they should be. I wish I could learn that from them, this idea of always knowing what comes first and not compromising on what is so important--even if it's less popular.
*They're absolutely selfless.

Mostly, I think of my parents and how they share what they know to be true. I am so grateful that they know God and Jesus Christ and have helped me learn about them and know them also. Our family has had challenges--some seem small compared to what others have to go through--but I really do believe it has been my parents faith and dedication to living righteous lives that have made our family so strong and come through our challenges. My parents taught us to love one another. I feel so supported by them and all my brothers and sisters. We don't fight-we discuss and most of the time end up laughing. I thought all families were like mine pretty much until I moved away from home and realized just how special my family is. I'm just so grateful.

I confess...

3/14 I've been a swimmer since I was a wee girl. In high school I was competing a lot in summer and winter. I became accustomed to shaving very often. I know some swimmers grow it out to help create drag, but I've never been one of those crazy people. I like my legs bic'd. When I moved away to college I wasn't swimming as regularly. When cooler weather rolled around I remember thinking, "huh! I don't have to shave!" Not true, Not true!! I soon discovered that I cannot sleep at night if my legs are prickly. My roommates soon learned that sometimes I'll just have to take a shower at 2 am if I want to sleep. I have come a long way though. Sometimes I can go three days and still be OK. After 4 I can become desperate. I have also learned that sometimes when I get stressed with work or whatever--my life--my nighttime shaving rituals can help me de-stress and I feel more refreshed, even clear. And yes, it's 2am.

3/15 When I was in middle school I would write stories. Well, maybe I should say I'd start writing stories. I'm not sure if any were ever finished, but I had a few. I read a lot and I remember thinking I'd like to write stories. I don't remember any of the stories now, but I just know I had notebooks filled with junk. I also remember my sister Sarah, using one of my stories for an English assignment. I'm sure she jazzed it up and made it work for her assignment (pretty sure this was when she was in high school--Mr Simmers Sarah?) I think it was a story about a girl named Shannon who was going to a party. I'm pretty impressed that I remember this. It just came to me today. There is a chance those notebooks are at home in box...perhaps where they should stay. Gosh I hope those stories never surface!

3/16 The reason I thought of those stories was because I was having some trouble sleeping--2 am, legs now smooth--and I've been wondering if perhaps I should choose another career. I've become a little overwhelmed lately with my clients and so I was laying awake wondering what other jobs I would like to do. That brought me back to my dream career of childhood. I also need to recognize that It's really late, I've now worked 14 days in a row for at least 8 hours a day--some longer, and I'm DONE!! It's exhausting. (Ironically, Amy Winehouse's Rehab just started playing...seriously I cannot get away from my work!! OK, I just put on America.) I do really love the field I am in. I need to find some new outlets, new supports if you will. Lately I've been working a lot, it's intense, and when I get home it all just sits in my head. I'm carrying it and I've always been able to leave it, so something has changed and it needs to change back!! No worries people, I'm on it. Just as soon as I can get my mind to relax long enough to fall asleep.

Lent Confessions 3/11, 3/12, 3/13 and I'm up to date

* I got an honorable mention in a high school art show. I loved my 3-D design class and got to work with paper, wire, clay, plaster, abstract whatever...it was such a great class. I had 3 things entered in the art show: a really cool coil pot, one that I threw on a wheel, and then this really funky head made out of paper. I got the honorable mention for the paper head. It had different faces all over it-from whatever angle you could see. I really loved it but was surprised it got the honorable mention (I thought the coil pot would do better) because the base was also made out of paper and I had to do that really quickly. It was very unsteady (top-heavy) and kept falling over. Maybe they propped it up on something. But yeah, I confess I love doing this kind of art.

* I once dyed my hair dark brown. This stemmed from a moment of anger as I sat in a classroom at UVSC and realized that everyone looked the same. I hated this moment. I always had a hard time fitting in out there and felt like I had to do something to "bust out". (see previous post here) The following weekend, Summer at Shep Studio (greatest place in P-town), dyed my hair dark. I loved it! My eyes looked really striking, at the same time every time I passed a mirror I was startled. I felt like I was in a disguise and should be wearing a trench coat and dark sunglasses sitting in a park reading a newspaper waiting for a bag-drop. My mother was horrified and kept telling me that others dye their hair to look like mine (oh, you mean like all the people in that classroom?) So I promised her I wouldn't do it again--for a while. It faded after a few months--I mean, I am a natural blonde.

* I used to say things, by that I mean lie, and it's almost like I couldn't stop it. The words would come out of my mouth, I'd realize it wasn't true, but it was too late. Then it was always really embarrassing to say, "oh yeah, none of what I just said is true by the way." This was very rare, and always about something totally unnecessary and stupid. For example, (this is for you Alison), once I went out to dinner with my friends Jake and Alison. We went to the Pie near the U of U--LOVE that place!!! We were talking about working at pizza places. Before I knew it I had created a story about working at a place called Joes Pizza and I had created a bunch of really lame details. What's funny about this is that I was rolling my eyes at myself as the lies were flowing from my mouth. It wasn't even a cool story!!!! It was annoying. So I guess I could add now, that I can't remember a time since then...and that was years ago. Maybe I grew out of it. I was so annoyed by the lameness of my lie that It never happens now. I don't think.

Now I'm really stuck on this lying thing. I've always been a terrible liar! I hated it when this happened. I learned early on that if I lie, I get caught, I feel stupid. This was NOT something that I thought was funny or cute. When these situations would occur I would feel SO SO SO stupid for DAYS after. I'm not kidding. Believe me when I say I cannot lie. Even if you don't know me, you'll know I'm lying. It's that bad.

two true stories

when I was a freshman in high school I was leaving the cafeteria on my way to gym. The halls were always crowded and I was trying to avoid the masses of people. I was hurrying to the locker room when I didn't notice something everyone else was avoiding. Before I realized what happened I was on the ground. I jumped up pretty quickly, still confused. Then I noticed what happened. I had slipped on some throw-up right in front of the doorway to the bathroom. I fled inside immediately, completely embarrassed. I remember Colleen Kelly and Joyce Detrich following me in to make sure I was ok. Colleen was telling me to just go home, I got the rest of the day off. I washed my flip-flops in the bathroom sink and cleaned off my shorts and then I went to class late. Little did I realize that Stas Katula was right next to me when it happened and he had immediately gone into his senior government class which had my older brother Chris and all his friends. Stas reported what happened and the whole school knew, it seemed, before I even got out of the bathroom. While i waited for my ride home at the end of the day, I was shocked with how many people walked down the huge Y stairs and came over to me. Some were laughing as they asked if I was ok, others were just complementing the fact that I was still in school. Then Chris and Dave came down those stairs, looked at me, shook their heads, then asked "did that really happen?" yes. yes it did. and yes, i probably should've gone home.

when I was a freshman in high school there was a senior who had a crush on me. Eric Jankoviak. Eric Jankoviak was a big guy. Probably 6'5" 220 at least, but he wasn't an athlete. He dressed in 70's leisure suits with huge collars that he left open so you could see his stylin' chains and chest hair. His shoes were AMAZING! He also had flowing feathered hair that bounced in the breeze as he walked swiftly down the hallway. I still remember seeing him flying towards me, hair blowing freely like wings, and me ducking into the nearest room. I thought he was an interesting guy, but I didn't want to go out with him (nor was I allowed to if I wanted to. no dating until I was 16). I still remember that horrifying conversation when I had to make that really clear. I felt kind of bad. Not my type, but what a unique character!! I heard that at his prom he had a spot light on him when the YMCA came on. These were the guys who liked me in high school.

Sunday Catch-up

So I've fallen behind in my confessions. I think I owe at least three...y'all have no idea how hard this is. I've started so many confessions and then had to stop because they were way too personal, and although I'm calling these confessions, I am not Catholic and I do not wish to expose anything too personal or damaging. I'm also on a time crunch today and I have to be at work in 20 minutes...so I can't think to hard about these. This is good. Shallow and harmless--here we go.

* When I brush my teeth at night I often let all the foam just drip down my chin so I look much like a rabid animal. When it builds up more I'll lean over the sink so that it'll just go right down the drain. Spitting is not necessary--maybe once or twice.

* I'm always on time. I'm usually the one who has to wait for everyone else. Sometimes I'll even try to be late. I'm usually still there before everyone else. It's actually really annoying. Not that everyone's late, but that I can never be.

* I have a secret, a guilty pleasure if you will, that I don't tell too many people. I love Nine Inch Nails first album, Pretty Hate Machine. Trent has always been a little disturbing, but this is before he got really disturbing. I guess the reason I don't think this is a good thing is because it's really NOT "virtuous, lovely, or of good report" and I'm trying to cut those things out. I don't have room in my life for anything that's going to fill me with anything dark or loathsome. But you know how sometimes you just want to go dark and loathsome? or maybe that's just me.

my first secretive confession...unless you already knew

This is a very personal confession. My favorite feature on guys consists of the shoulder upper back combo. Not only is it hard to describe, but I couldn't find good pictures to illustrate what I'm talking about either. So I'll try to describe with the less-than-ideal pictures I could find... This here is Roger Federer--he's graced the blog a few times--and he's a great example of what I'm talking about. Have you ever noticed the way the t-shirt hangs on an athletes shoulders? Tennis and soccer players are excellent examples because they usually have a lot of lean muscle mass and the shirt just hangs perfectly.
This is not such a great example but it's the closest to the back as I could find. But imagine when his arms are down and you can see the indentations of the muscles in the shoulder and around the blades...there's that space between the blades...it's pretty sexy. that's all I'm saying.
I'm going to have you try to ignore the stomach here (although difficult) it's not what I'm talking about. There's an ok side view of his shoulder blade...not too bad.
No idea who this guy is, but here you can see the the way the shirt bunches in the middle. THATS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. I love it. I think one reason I find this so attractive is because I've always believed that swimmers have the best bodies, and their shoulders and backs are AMAZING!!!! plus, if your shoulders and back look this good all other muscles are probably pretty proportioned--

legs are the exception and a different story altogether (we all know how tough it is for a guy to have good legs). I'm a sucker for good legs as well. When it comes to legs, I'm a strong believer that it's almost completely up to genetics. You either have the genes for good legs or you don't. We've all seen those guys at the gym spending so much time on their legs but it's not working out for them. This is because of the calves. Good luck guys.

two more

3/3

Yesterday I ate ice cream cake for lunch and that was it. It was really good. It was carvel and had the amazing cookie crumb center thing going on. mmm mm m

3/4

In 5th grade I participated in a HUGE talent show. It was in front of the whole 5th grade. I had a couple friends...I can only remember Heather...who decided to put together a little act. We did a little lip sync and dance to Madonna's "Like a Prayer". It was awesome. We had perfect dance moves...this is also the beginning of my dance crew movement. I am looking to start a new dance crew (what with a talent show coming up and all). I will hold auditions soon, I'll send out a text with a location. get ready for the streets.

Confession: My love affair with music

This is my favorite song right now. I often have people commenting to me about the music I like. Sometimes people seem impressed, like they think I have good taste or I know a lot of music. I love music. I was thinking about this and realized that I go to music at times to "fill me" or something. Like if I'm upset about something my music cannot be loud enough and it addresses my problem perfectly. It's hard to explain, but it's reliable. It's a pretty good replacement for more meaningful relationships. It's pretty safe and doesn't let me down. I have started to think though, that I should take some of the time and money I invest in music and put it towards relationships with people. Like real people...not my imaginary friends who understand so perfectly.

confession 3/1

I watched the Oscars last week. I've never watched the Oscars. It was really really long. Not worth all the hype in my opinion. But one thing I did see that I thought was amazing was Glen and Marketa performing this song live with the orchestra. Loved it, loved it, loved it. I'm glad they won. Other than that, not proud of watching ALL of the Oscars. (I'd link to the Oscars performance but it won't let me...)