I feel most like myself when...

Today, in one of the groups I facilitate, a very interesting topic came up. One of the clients said something about being able to be herself in the group but not anywhere else. Someone else had a strong reaction to the comment and talked about how she NEVER feels she can be herself. I found myself really thinking about this idea. It reminded me a lot of some conversations I've had with some friends about "I feel more masculine/feminine when..." It made me think about when I feel most like ME!! When do I let some walls come down, when do I feel more at peace with myself, when do I feel the most pure joy, when do I feel like I'm not trying to hide a part of me or try to control what others see or think of me... I know it's a lot to think about. This is what my job and school do to me. I can't get out of my head!! But I like this idea.

I feel most like myself when...

I'm outside and the world looks beautiful! I feel like I'm part of a fantastic world where I play a part and it's all a gift from God. I am a small but important part of it. Stress and worry from day to day tasks disappear and I am able to see myself as a daughter of God! Hiking, swimming, running, all different seasons and scenes...It all provides an opportunity for reflection. Sometimes it's these moments that allow my mind to clear and insight is gained.

It's like going to the temple in a way. Being alone in a setting like this allows for a lot of growth. Plus there is something about messing up a quiet scene. When I lived in Utah there were a few times my friends and I drove up into the mountains to areas with untouched snow. It was so cool to stomp through that snow. It was like leaving your mark, using snow that had been forgotten. It's the same with swimming or skiing on a glass lake. There's no wake until you get there...ahhh! I want to go outside!! It's a snow day here and in the city it's pretty brown.

I was talking with a friend last week about how when she travels there seems to be time to think and reflect on where she is and if it's where she wants to be. To me it's another opportunity to see just how big the world is and think about what role I want to play in it (and to know that I DO play a role in it). This summer I went to Northern Ireland and it was amazing. I went with friends from BC and it was such a refreshing trip.

I also feel like myself when I notice that I don't have to watch what I'm saying or doing, or how I may be coming across. In Belfast this summer I really let some walls down (some, but others probably came up as a result) but it was such a great experience. It was also a moment that made me really appreciate the blessings I have. That leaves a feeling of freedom and like you can do no wrong.

I went to Sweden just over a year ago. I was able to visit one of my best friends and it was amazing! My mom is from Sweden and I've been there several times. I think I feel like myself so much when I travel because I notice things that are not a part of the mundane. I think it comes down to feeling like I have a connection with culture and heritage.

I love it when I have those moments when I can just let myself go. I wish it happened more. But there are some times when I really let myself share what I think is funny, what I really care about, and what really matters to me. I've made some good friends here in Boston. There are some people I've noticed that I let see me more than others. I don't care about shooting them with nerf guns, helping myself to their cereal, or singing Whitney Houston like I AM Whitney Houston. Not very many people see that side of me. I LOVE it when I get to show that!!

I've noticed that I can just be myself without shame, judgment or criticism. These are refreshing moments. These are moments when I'm out of my head and letting go of the seriousness of everyday stuff. It's interesting how singing kareoke and dancing seems like I'm being me more. Maybe it's just because I can't sing and dance through my day (no matter how much I wish my life was a musical...it's not).

I love it when I don't care what I'm wearing, what I'm doing, what someone might think if... It's so nice! I feel like this is gradually becoming more and more the case. I think that I am myself most of the time. It is so fun when I let other sides of me show!